Confessions of a CrossDressing Idol
by SinsofMidnight
Summary: Based loosely off of "Charisma Doll". Sara, who is also the idol Sala, is having an identity crisis. As Sara, she's the classmate of another idol, Hayase. As Sala, she's his equal. So what happens when she feels herself falling for him? Rated T for language... and, well, cross-dressing :P


**Confessions of a Cross-Dressing Idol**

**_Fandom:_**_ Charisma Doll (manga) _

**_Teaser:_**_ " 'I go to school with him. _Sara_ goes to school with him,' I corrected. 'And he's a good friend to her. So she asked me to return the favor.' "_

**_Inspiration:_**_ The second time I read through it, I just wanted to write about her conflicted emotions, lol_

**_Rating:_**_ T_

**_Warnings:  
_**_-Hetero couple  
-Secrets  
-Language  
-Cross-dressing_

**_Main Pairing: _**_Sara/Hayase OR Sala/Hayase_

**_Minor Pairings Mentioned: _**_N/A_

**_Setting: _**_Cannon. Loosely follows storyline of a few chapters of the manga with a few little tweaks._

**_POV: _**_All from Sara's/Sala's POV!_

**_Summary:_**_ Sara, who is also the idol Sala, is having an identity crisis. As Sara, she's the classmate of another idol, Hayase. As Sala, she's his equal. So what happens when she feels herself falling for him?_

**_Additional ANs:_**_ This was my very first fanfiction, ever. I'm surprised that I am still so happy with it!_

**_Word Count:_**_ 2226 words of pure cross-dressing fun :))_

* * *

"Sala has to be an enigma," Mom told me. "Otherwise, Sala loses appeal."

"Mom," I complained, "I hate dressing up like that!"

"I told you, Sara, you're doing it until Sala loses appeal," she replied, turning from me and leaving my dressing room.

I sat in front of the mirror and stared hard at my reflection. I saw a cute face, shoulder length blond hair, and a nice body. Why did I have to pretend to be someone I'm not?

Kazuma suddenly stood behind me. "You need to get ready. Sala."

I nodded. "Thank you. Won't you excuse me?"

Kazuma nodded, stood and walk out of the room to stand outside my door as I changed. He's one of the few who knows about me being Sala. I can't trust just anyone, but Kazuma is more than just my bodyguard and my manager. He's my cousin.

I dressed quickly, careful not to look at myself in the mirror. It would ruin me if I did. If I saw myself somewhere between, I can't think of 'Sara' and 'Sala' as separate people anymore. After pulling a cami over my head, I put on my red wig and looked at myself, carful to concentrate on the general impression instead of on the details, because the camisole was skin tight and you could still see my breasts. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. _I am Sala_, I thought before opening my eyes. I reached around and shrugged on my over shirt and buttoned it most of the way.

A knock sounded at my door. "C'mon in, Kazuma," I replied absently in Sala's voice.

The door creaked slowly open. Kazuma never opened the door like that. I spun quickly to find myself staring at Hayase, my classmate and the lead vocalist of The Rise. I felt the blood drain from my face. "Hayase," I said in Sala's voice. "What's up?" Sala had met him last week.

"Just wanted to wish you good luck, Sala," he replied, winking. I remembered watching him practice that wink in class until he got it right. It had taken him months, but he looked so cute doing it!

"I forgot that The Rise would be here, too," I replied absently. "But good luck to you as well, Hayase." I turned and faced the mirror.

I saw him hesitate and then I felt his hand settle on my shoulder. "I'm a big fan, Sala. You've got a miracle voice."

I stiffened at his touch. "Thanks. I also like your voice, Hayase. I listen to your CD every day," I told him, running a brush through my wig. I saw Kazuma appear behind me and set one hand on each of Hayase's shoulders.

"I would appreciate it if you checked with me before you visit Sala in the dressing room," Kazuma told him, his voice saying 'I'll kill you if you do it again'.

"It's fine, Kazuma. He was just wishing me good luck," I told him, smiling at his defensive nature.

He raised his brow at me. "Was he?"

I grinned. "Of course he was. Good luck to you, too, Hayase," I told him, my gaze meeting Hayase's in the mirror. "Remember what I told you. And don't forget that your voice is its own type of miracle."

His eyes widened. "Thank you, Sala," he replied, blushing slightly and leaving quickly.

"That wasn't so nice, Sala," Kazuma told me, his eyes twinkling.

"What wasn't so nice?"

"Confusing that poor boy like that. He thinks you're a god now. Or a goddess if I get the right vibe from him," he added.

I sighed. "I go to school with him. _Sara_ goes to school with him," I corrected. "And he's a good friend to her. So she asked me to return the favor."

Kazuma sighed. "Don't talk about her as if you are not her," he chided.

I began to laugh. "Sala is the opposite of Sara. Sala is a masculine, mysterious idol who has a chance of being friends with Hayase of The Rise. Sara is a feminine, common school girl with a crush on Hayase of The Rise. Don't you see the vast difference here?"

Kazuma looked at me for a long moment. "Sala, you need to be ready to follow Hayase on stage in five minutes. If you get out there in time, you can catch his act." He looked at me. "Oh shit, Sara."

"Huh?" I looked down to see the lace edge of the cami dropping to show some of my cleavage. "Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Shit!" I exclaimed, keeping my voice low.

"We are so screwed if he's only getting close to you because you're Sala and he wants to expose you," Kazuma told me, wrapping his arms around my neck. Somehow, he always knew when I needed comfort.

"Don't tell Mom. She warned me not to get close to him," I whispered, leaning back against him, grateful for the comfort he offered me.

"Be careful," he warned me, kissing my forehead. "Sara's voice is coming out of Sala's body."

"You know, I can't be the genderless wonder forever," I told him, reverting to my Sala voice.

"Yes, well, your mother would rather release that in her time," he told me, standing up straighter. I felt a few straggling stands of his hair brush my neck as he stood up.

I shivered slightly and my phone went off, singing out The Rise's most recent hit loudly and proudly. I flushed and dug for my phone. Finding it, I flipped it open to find a text message from Hayase: _"Hey! I just saw Sala and for some reason I thought of you. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Sala's a girl, just as a thought. What do you think?"_

I typed back quickly: _You think Sala's a girl? Are you going to publish that, or something?"_

I hit send, set the phone on the table, and tied a red tie over my black shirt in the signature style of Sala. Thinking, I turned the phone on silent a moment before it vibrated in my hand.

Hayase had texted me back: _"Heck no! Sala has a right to do as she pleases, including hide her gender. Besides, I'm only 99% sure Sala's a girl."_

Kazuma, who had been reading over my shoulder, whispered "Thank God."

I smiled and texted back: _"o.o Can you imagine how many fans would be very traumatized if Sala was a girl? Lol. I've got to go clean my room, but I'll talk to you later."_

Then I promptly turned off my phone and handed it to Kazuma. "I really need to get a phone," I announced in my Sala voice.

"Yeah, you probably do." Kazuma smiled and kissed my forehead. "Finish getting ready, please." He left me alone at the dressing table.

I made the tie lay cockeyed and carefully bagged my shirt in strategic locations. I smiled as I suddenly saw Sala in the mirror, and then I hurried out to watch Hayase sing. Hayase was a divine singer. I really liked his voice, and I loved his music. As Sala, I made it clear I was a fan. As Sara, I didn't want to be just another fangirl. His friendship was a treasure I had been blessed with as Sala and as Sara.

I walked into the performance room and felt their eyes on Sala. I smiled, but I had eyes only for Hayase. I found a stool and took a seat to watch him sing. He had a fashionable signature style that he looked innately masculine in, but what really drew me in was his softer features that would have looked beautiful on a girl. He was one of the reasons Sala was a believable boy. He also had thick, glossy black hair that was a little too long for most but really suited him.

His eyes found mine across the crowd. I gave him an encouraging smile and he flashed me a grin before starting the song. I watched him, deeply peaceful as his voice slid over me like a caress. I forced myself to keep my eyes open as I enjoyed it, even though I tended to close my eyes at home.

It was a familiar, beautiful song. It took me a few seconds to realize it was the title track off of their most recent CD. Instinctively, I pounded out the rhythm with my toes. It was all I could do to keep my drooping eyelids open to enjoy watching him. His voice was a slightly husky dream –a very sexy dream- that lingered and touched you like a lover. I was unhappy when the song ended, but I headed for the side of the stage, waiting to take my place and sing my song.

"Passing the torch," Hayase said, coming to me.

I gave him a high five. "That rocked."

He blushed a little. "Thank you, Sala-chan."

I looked at him. "I'd appreciate it if you'd keep that to yourself."

"I will. It's not anyone's business. Sala's an enigma with a great voice. That's enough," he replied, smiling.

"Thank you, Hayase," I returned, smiling. My heart ached. _I could fall in love with this boy_, I thought, my face falling. That was a dangerous choice.

"Are you alright?" he asked, touching my shoulder.

Shrugging it off, I stepped away. "I'm fine. By the way, your voice is magic." I placed my hand lightly on his arm before withdrawing and heading onto the stage when they called my name. I flashed a smile at him as I did and he smiled back.

* * *

I walked slowly to school, rubbing my eyes. I was still quite drowsy after last night at The Music Box with Hayase. I smiled softly. Sweet, sweet Hayase.

"It's Hayase!" screeched a gaggle of girls, all on the same pitch at the exact same time.

I froze in mid-step, only five steps from the school gate. He always dealt with these fan-girls on his way to school. I just wasn't found of fan-girls. I hurried toward them and casually slipped through the group to Hayase, who was at the center. "Hey, Hayase," I greeted, sliding my arms around him in a hug.

"Hiya, Sara," he replied, dubiously hugging me back. The girls all stepped back two steps, and then most of them passed out. "Well," he said, his eyes twinkling, "that was highly effective."

"I couldn't let you miss the second class of the day because of them, could I?" I replied, shrugging. I couldn't tell him I'd learned this little maneuver from my mother, who had used a make-up girl to do the hugging.

"Thanks. I'm sorry to do that to them, though."

"Fan-girls are a pain in the ass, right?" I asked. "But you always treat them so nicely." I grabbed his arm and extricated him from the fan-girls.

"Well, girls are my fan base," he replied. "I can't hurt them."

"Are you always so concerned for others, Hayase?" I asked, a soft smile on my lips. "I mean, you've been so kind to me."

He looked at my face, wrinkling his brow and leaning in. "Have you ever been told that you look like Sala?" he asked, his voice a husky warmth.

I pushed him away slightly. "No. Did you get enough sleep last night?" I knew I hadn't. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Hayase.

He shrugged. "I got to meet Sala again, like I said in my message. By the way, Sala is most defiantly a girl. I figured Sala wouldn't mind if I told the one person I really trust."

I stood there, shocked. _'The one person I really trust'?_ I was the person he trusted?! I was _lying_ to him!

"Sara?" he asked me, his eyes conveying his concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I told him.

"No," he replied, "you're not." He brushed a fingertip under my eye. It took me a while to realize he had brushed a tear off my cheek. "C'mere, Sara," he commanded gently, pulling me toward him.

I let him. His arms felt so warm and so safe around me. I held in my sobs, just letting the tears trickle down my face slowly as he held me so close I could hear him breathe. I could smell his soap, and I decided that it was comforting. I snuggled my head against his chest to hide my tear-streaked face from his concerned eyes. I felt his hand stroking my hair. The other was rubbing my back rhythmically. His husky voice brought chills as he whispered soothing murmurs. I knew that if I stayed in his arms much longer, I would fall in love with him, here and now. So, gently, I pulled back and wiped away my tears with the heel of my hand.

"Are you okay?" he asked again.

I nodded. "Thank you."

"Well, you remember that second hour you didn't want me to miss? Our classmates are halfway through it now," he told me, his tone wry.

"That's pathetic," I told him, a smile pulling timidly at my lips. "I try to save you from that fate and then I end up causing it."

_Yes, this could be the beginning of a truly beautiful friendship. Or the beginning of two very confusing relationships._

* * *

_Originally posted: 10/28/2009 Slight Update: 1/28/2013_

_It probably will see no deeper revision, but I might take time to do some surface-level work later. I'm still very happy with this piece :))_


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